As a part of leading a simple life, I find it important to learn how to let go of the expectations we once clung to and accept what is as much as possible.
I want to share a little parable with you:
A gambler once said to the Master, “I was caught cheating at cards yesterday, so my partners beat me up and threw me out of the window. What would you advise me to do?”
The Master looked straight through the man and said, “If I were you, from now on I would play on the ground floor.”
This startled the disciples. “Why didn’t you tell him to stop gambling?” they demanded.
“Because I knew he wouldn’t,” was the Master’s simple and sagacious explanation.
As a licensed psychotherapist, mentor, supervisor, teacher and as a mother I find this wise little story very true. My own mentor told me long ago, “When you are helping people, meet them where they are rather than trying to drag them to where you are.”
How often do we all set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration by expecting people around us to behave the way we believe they should? Often others are simply not equipped, informed or aware of what it is we are expecting of them.
In my own pursuit of a simpler life with A Simple Life Project, I am employing an approach to all of my relationships and interactions that takes into account where others are mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually before I expect them to behave or act any particular way. How does this simplify my life you might ask? Well, it strips away the complexities of erroneous assumptions and crossed wires in communication.
For example, if I have a mentoring client and we are having our first 90 minute dive-deep session in my 3 month redesign your life mentoring program I shift into neutral with no assumptions as to how my client thinks and feels and I join her in her world by asking particular open ended questions that provides windows for me to look into her heart, her mind, her soul. This greatly simplifies the process of coming to really know where my client is. The alternative (and sadly this happens with far too many life coaches out there) would be for me to march in there with assumptions of what is going on for her and what she needs which then greatly complicates the process because she might feel confused when what I suggest does not fit for her.
Another example on a more personal front would be how I interact with my husband at the end of a work day. If he is particularly silent and seems grumpy rather than seeking to change him or scolding him for being unresponsive, it greatly simplifies things for me to give him some space and then lovingly ask if there is anything I can do for him.
When we rush in seeking to change someone, or we out-right expect people to act a certain way we are really complicating things unnecessarily. Accept people are where they are. Seek to understand but don’t try to change people. Otherwise you set yourself up for unnecessary conflict.
Deal with what is instead. It goes a long way in the aim of achieving a simpler life and simpler relationships.